The Psychiatrist, The Patient -- and The Used Car Sales Manager...

Some people use words primarily to hide their thoughts -- and their 'real beliefs' about what is going on in themselves and in the world. -- a slight modification and extension of Voltaire as I heard the quote first on 'Criminal Minds'. The actual quote by Voltaire, as taken off the internet, can be found later in the little 'psycho-drama' below) -- dgb

My Psyciatrist: I spoke to my psychiatrist yesterday (my psychiatrist is one of my many 'bi-polar or multiple personalities') -- and he said that I had a 'bordeline pscyhotic-paranoia disorder' as well as elements of BPD (bi-polar disorder) and OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). He said that I was having a problem lately sorting out 'my truth reality' -- or worded otherwise -- sorting out fact from fiction, and truth-reality from phantasy.

The Patient (Me) : I said, 'Doc, but that's because I've been dealing with the same used car sales manager for over a week now. He's trying to bend my perception of reality.' He says that 'misperceptions' happen all the time between people and he is 'sorry' if I 'misperceived' what he meant when he said 'Sing to yourself' after I came back from a test ride on the vehicle I was planning to buy and I told him that the radio wasn't working...

My Psychiatrist: 'How do you feel about that'?

The Patient(me): I said, 'Doc, I feel seriously offended by what he said to me...that he was being hugely 'arrogant' and 'condescending' to me in saying what he said to me...And more than that, I feel seriously shaken. I wake up now in the middle of the night -- you might have to give me a sleeping pill or an 'anti-anxiety' pill -- with a case of the cold sweats. I don't know whether I am losing contact with reality or whether someone -- specifically, in this case, the used car sales manager -- is trying to push me over the brink, push me into losing contact with reality... What do you think about that?

My psychiatrist: 'Well, I've been getting a lot of these types of cases lately. I call it 'corporate-political illusionism'. It's where the truth tends to be 'bent' by certain 'narcissistic personalities' in the direction of the almighty dollar and/or in the direction of the corporate person's 'narcissistic self-protection'. The truth is hidden or disquised -- and illusion becomes the truth'. The great French philosopher -- Voltaire -- once wrote that 'One great use of words is to hide our thoughts'.


The Patient(me): Well thanks, Doc. That makes me feel much better. So it's not just me. Other people have been having this type of 'borderline psychotic-paranoia disorder' as well. I was beginning to think it was just me.


My psychiatrist: No, it's not just you, Dave, there is a lot of corporate illusion syndrome out there...


The Patient (Me): Yeah, the sales manager wanted to bill me $270 for a GPS that he said some contractor had put into the van that I hadn't even bought yet -- in other words, his van. Before I cancelled the deal because of his rather 'snotty' comment, I asked him where in the van the GPS was, and he said he didn't know -- that it was a 'trade secrt'. He said that a GPS can cost anywhere between $300 and $600 -- which was mainly labour -- but he was giving me a break: he was only charging me the $270 that he had been billed (he was still waiting for the bill) to put in the van. The 'chip' itself, he said, costs peanuts, hardly anything, but the labour is where the price is.

I said, 'Wow, does that contractor charge $600 to put his magic GPS into a cadillac? Or does he charge that much when you need a little more 'profit padding' to build up the profit margin on a deal that doesn't have enough 'meat' on it yet?

He said that he could bring the contractor back, and I could invite all my friends and family over to see the contractor take the 'magic GPS chip' out from under the hood...But he would have to charge me for that too...He'd give me a discount...only charge me half as much...


I said, 'Wow, do you do this often, and does the contractor give you a discount in these types of cases where he has to pull the chip back out from its secret hiding spot in the van to satisfy the skepticism of an unbelieving customer? And is the customer actually willing to pay another $150 to see the contractor do this? If so, that's quite a vaudeville act you and your contractor have going on there... It must be worth quite a bit of money...

Well, needless to say, I cancelled the deal that wasn't a deal yet, hadn't been signed yet -- was dead in the water because I didn't like to be told 'to sing to myself' when I was about to commit myself to paying $4700 for a van that was not even offically e-tested and certified -- and was still in his name, not mine. Everything was starting to feel very 'shady'...and 'quasi-metaphysical'...'reality and perceptions and misperceptions were starting to seriously playing with my mind'...

That was when he started to delve more seriously into his 'theory of misperceptions' and how people can 'misperceive' what they think they heard and didn't really hear...Then the 'guilt trip'... 'Wasn't I a man of my word', he asked me, even though no deal had ever been completely consumated, never signed, and here he was giving me a lecture on 'integrity' and 'being a man of my word' when the meaning, definition, description, monetary value, of his words -- 'administration fees', 'GPS fees', 'perceptions' and 'misperceptions' -- kept changing every minute I listened to him...

How could he say that there was a 'deal' when the 'deal' kept changing every day I walked into see him -- which is why I believe the deal was never written up in the first place. He was always looking for new 'sliders' -- things that he could either 'slide into' the deal (like 'administration fees' and 'GPS fees') and/or things that he could 'slide out' of the deal (like an e-test and safety-certification slip, and the ownership of the vehicle staying in his name...)...


My Psychiatrist: Sounds like this used car manager doesn't really do much of anything by the book and, as you say, that he is operating a rather 'shady' deal or no deal here...

The Patient (me): That's what I think......but that's where he starts going back into his 'theory of misperceptions'...and I start wondering whether I should be questioning my perception of reality or not..

The Psychiatrist: No, Dave, I take back my original preliminary, presumptive diagnosis...I think you have a pretty good grasp of 'perceptual reality'....We are all partly caught up in a world where Corporate and/or Political Capitalist Illusionism tries on a pretty regular basis to 'bend our perception of reality'...

The Patient: Well, Thanks Doc. This session was well worth the money. I never knew that a seemingly simple endeavor to try to buy a new van could lead me into such a murky world of perception and misperception, epistemology and metaphysics -- like, When is an 'almost sale' -- a sale, and when is an almost sale a 'not a sale'?, and 'when is a 'not a sale, a 'sale'...you get the idea....these perceptions and/or alleged 'misperceptions' were starting to really mess up my mind...

This session was very important to me because I have to see this guy again today and I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't 'losing it'...


My Psychiatrist: Well, Dave, be assertive, be strong, be firm...don't let him walk over you....Regarding one of your 'bi-polarities', be your Doberman, not your chihuahua...

Aftermath...I was probably more chihuahua than Doberman...actually at a loss for words when he gave me most of my deposit money back...case resolved...unfortunate words and probably some misperceptions...I wish that I could take some of my words back in the last session...I am a terrible negotiator...I shake my head and move on...

-- dgb, April 19th, 2011,

-- David Gordon Bain,

-- Dialectic Gap-Negotiations...

-- Are Still in Process...

-- David Gordon Bain